Saturday, January 31, 2009

Parallel Parking


One of the benefits of not driving a nice car is creating your own parking spaces. All of those almost-spots left by inconsiderate Benzes and Bimmers become fair game if you don't mind dinging your bumper up a little (and theirs).

And I don't.

Patience runs thin in a city full of assholes and no one is taking steps to depucker themselves. It's beat 'em or join 'em, and I don't like to assimilate. Gone are the days of frustrated sighs and cursing under my breath. I'm like a fat woman with an undersized pair of Wal-Mart jeans.

Shit will fit come hell or high water.

I back in my Subaru until I hit either the curb or the vehicle behind me. It's usually the vehicle, as I've gotten pretty fucking decent at parallel parking since moving to LA. Once I feel that bump, I tap the gas to see if there's any resistance. If there is, I turn my wheels and shift to drive. No gas. Just let the car roll until I bump the vehicle in front of me. Once our bumpers are touching like teenagers, I surge, skidding the cocksucker forward until I have enough room to be comfortable. I'll then straighten out, detach my stereo, and get out of the car to admire a job well done.

8 comments:

Anonymous said...

If I wanted to hear this shit I'd listen to Car Talk. More ballin' about town please! Thanks.

Jeff said...

I appreciate the bluntness, Anonymous.

Anonymous said...

haha i like it! :=)

Anonymous said...

This part is so fucking hilarious "Once our bumpers are touching like teenagers"

Great job!

Anonymous said...

appreciate my cowardice as well?

car girl said...

If you don't have experience, I'll give it to you ; )

MelissaBB said...

What a bunch of creeps!

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