Saturday, January 10, 2009

Deliberation

I wear a tie, jacket, and tight-fitting ironic t-shirt (Bomb Diggity in faded letters) to a hipster bar. Coupled with my Clark Kent glasses, this should be a nice experiment.

When I arrive, I take off my jacket to show off my arms -- triceps, biceps, forearms. I order a drink and flex my right arm -- the arm I hold my well-vodka soda with. I drape my jacket over my left forearm, forcing me to bend it at a ninety degree angle. That gives me a reason to flex this arm also. I make a round through the bar -- glasses on, tie dimpled and tucked between my pectorals -- with my arms subtly bulged. In a bar full of hipster d-bag wannabes, girls don't expect to see biceps above thirteen inches and a chest that doesn't resemble a bird's. With the jacket draped over my left forearm, I create the illusion of not trying too hard. With the glases, I create the illusion of belonging, even though I really need them to see.

"Why is he flexing his big arms and wearing a tie that shows off his pecs?"
"His jacket is off. He must have gotten hot."
"Ohhhhh... I like his glasses."

The jacket is my out. My alibi. The glasses are my trojan horse. I got a lot of looks tonight. Smiles. One girl threw a lemon wedge at me to get my attention. The trick is going somewhere you don't necessarily fit in, creating the illusion you fit in, and then drawing that contrast between reality and the illusion you created. For me, it's muscle hipster. Being able to mentally back that up is a big plus.

"So, do you girls like MGMT?"

9 comments:

Anonymous said...

I'm a hipster, AND I don't like MGMT.

Anonymous said...

please jeff stop this slide into douchebaggery. you're far too genuinely cool for this.

Jeff said...

Yes, I was way douched out last night -- not the norm. But I was working from within the trenches, AND I provided analysis of the mindset, so I believe it's semi-acceptable.

Mom said...

What is MGMT?

Anonymous said...

hahaha you look great! I would recommend working traps a little more though.

Anonymous said...

"My glasses are my Trojan horse." LOL That's hilarious.

Jeff said...

MGMT is an indie electronic group that just recently reached the mainstream.

car girl said...

It’s 1:19am and I just came. It tool me an hour from when I said goodnight to you. I came so fucking hard. I ditched your roommate idea and had you pick us up a young cherub faced girl. She had thick red lips, big blue eyes, and long wavy blond hair. She was a little nervous to come home with you. Didn’t know if you really had a girl at home waiting for her, as you’d told her, and when she saw me… well, it was her first time. She was curious… very. I knew it was you she ultimately wanted, which was good. We had the same goal… to turn you on. It meant she’d let me do what ever I wanted to her, so she could finally have you. She was petite, almost boyish. I took her hand and led her to your bedroom. I had set up a chair for you to watch and lit candles. She watched me slither onto your bed as you sat down. I was deciding how I wanted to undress her. Looking her up and down. She had a tight blue t-shirt on that brought out her eyes. Her tits were perky big As or small Bs. She clearly was not wearing a bra and as I stared at her, I could see her nipples hardening. I looked at you like a Cheshire cat. I wanted to pounce, but you gave me the look to take it slow, not to scare her off. Then she surprised us both by slipping out of her skirt. A tiny red g-string to match those b-stung lips, against her creamy white skin and the blue top—this was an all American girl. I got off the bed, walked up behind her and lifted her arms above her head. She held them there as I ever so slowly lifted the shirt up over her head. I was jealous that you got to see those perfect little tits first, but as I slid my hands around from behind, up her stomach and circled my index fingers around her soft skin, I could feel her gasp. I knew she wanted my fingers on her nipples. I made her wait, circling with my finger tips, pulling her back against me. And then I heard in the faintest whisper, “Please.” I told her to lie down on the bed. She did. Sweet little thing looked so nervous. I turned to you and asked for something I could use as a blindfold. As you got up to get something, she started to protest. I promised her that not only would it relax her, it would enhance her experience. When one of the senses is cut off, others become more acute. I told her I would tie it loosely so if at any point she felt uncomfortable she could take it off. I told her I wanted to surprise her. I never wanted her to know where I would touch her next or with what I’d be touching her—my finger tips, my lips, my tongue. She allowed you to blindfold her. You were dying to touch her but I pushed your hand away. Then you gave me that “look” and I knew I would pay for that later, after all, it’s always you who’s really in control. You sat down and slowly opened your jeans. I was suddenly distracted from the beauty in front of me to anticipation of you pulling out your cock. A move that I find irresistible. Of course knowing this, you stopped- my signal to get back to the task at hand. I decided as tempting as those pink, dime sized nipples were, I was going to start with her inner thigh. I brushed it lightly with my finger tips and her back arched as she let out a small cry. I looked over at you. You approved. She allowed me to spread her legs wider. My fingers teasing her thighs as she squirmed with wanting. I backed off. I made her wait. When her breathing grew heavy with frustration my tongue went straight to her nipple. She giggled, clearly enjoying the surprise. I could tell I had to be delicate with her. Especially knowing how rough you were going to be with her. You were already stroking yourself pretty hard. I straddled her, facing you and away from her. She was so small she didn’t even know I was on top of her. I looked down at her sweet young pussy. Blond. I could tell by looking at it that it would be soft like peach fuzz. I kept my eyes on you as my face went down on her. I wanted to see your face as my tongue licked her for the first time. I put my hands just at the top of her thighs so she knew I was coming. Then I ever so gently licked her clit form top to bottom. I never took my eyes off you. She shuddered. You worked your cock. I slid my finger down to spread her lips. She was like an over ripened fruit. The minute I touched the soft skin on the outside, the juice just poured out. I said to you, “Baby, you’ve got to come taste this.” She could definitely tell the difference. I was gentle and sensual, you moved in with those big, thick lips and just sucked the juice right out of her. My job was done. I moved in close to her ear and asked if she was ready for you. She nodded yes. I removed the blindfold and took over your seat as you took over my sweet young thing. You were about to turn her over but I told you to stop. Let her watch your face as you fuck her. She smiled. I knew what she wanted, more than you did. But I also knew you were going to make me pay for it later—giving you orders was out of bounds. You lifted her legs up onto your broad shoulders and rubbed your head against her clit. “Put it in me,” she begged. You gave her just the head. Now it was your turn to put on a show for me. The poor girl was aching for you and you were giving it to her little by little. You were getting me hot, so I pulled my dress off over my head. I was wearing a pink lace bra, and pink lace bottoms that sat low on my hips with just the bottom of my ass showing. You were temporarily distracted but her begging brought you back to business. As soon as you saw me slide my fingers down between my legs you started fucking her harder. Now she was crying out. She made those high pitched “bay talk” cries. You worked her harder and harder and I could tell by your face you were getting close. “Turn her over,” I demanded. You obeyed as you pulled her ass up so that her back arched down. “I want you to shoot down her back,” I ordered. You had a naughty look in your eye. Like I was going to pay for my outbursts, but you couldn’t help but enjoy them. You pumped her hard until you shot your big load onto her ass. It trickled down her back. Before you could catch your breath I straddled her again, and licked up every drop of you. When I was done, you handed her her clothes, and told her it was time for her to go. She was a little put off, but also maybe a little relieved. You told me you were going to walk her to her car, but before you left, you ordered me to sit in the chair, and with the material you used to blindfold her, you tied my hands to the chair. Then you left. I waited with anticipation, feeling myself get wetter and wetter, scared and thrilled about what was to come. And I kept waiting and waiting, and suddenly your payback had become very clear. Especially when I smelled the familiar aroma of one of your joints. You were going to keep me waiting. I could feel my fury building, thinking to myself, you better keep me tied to this chair because if you don’t I will tear you apart. Finally, after what felt like an hour, you appeared in the bedroom, my chest was heaving with anger and aching. You smiled, so cool. Ah, I was going to fucking kill you! You got on your knees in front of my chair. “Spread your legs,” you said. “Fuck you!” I answered, I was pissed, and worked up as all hell. “Fine.” You started to get up. I spread my legs. “That’s my good obedient girl.” And then you were between my legs, those lips that tongue, my senses were on overload, I was beyond turned on. While your mouth worked me I felt your hand release the tie that bound me and just as I was about to tear into you, you lifted me like I was a feather and pushed me up against the wall. My nails dug into the layers of old paint as you entered me from behind. You fucked me harder than you’d ever fucked my before. Then you rasped into my ear, “are you ever going to give me orders again?” “Maybe,” I said defiantly. And that’s when I felt your hand smack my ass with such strength. I cried out but it stung so good. You pulled my hair so my head was against your chest. “I asked are you ever going to give me orders again?!” “I don’t know,” I admitted, “if it means you’re going to fuck me this good I may have to.” You laughed then worked me a little longer. Then you turned me to face you, kissed me deeply and told me to get on my knees and finish you off. I did so gladly… mm mm mmm. My delicious boy!

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