Thursday, July 16, 2009

Proposal


All late night drive-thrus should become express-thrus after 11pm. Five items and that's it. Baconators and other specialty items count as two because they take so long to prepare. Oh, you're in an Escalade full of your boys trying to get your grub on before you hit the club? Tough shit. Pull back around and wait in line again. That'll teach you to wait until the last fucking second and inconvenience everyone else.

The snaking line of cars that runs into the parking lot is a weight on the appetite, a plague on the soul. No one should have to wait half-an-hour for a five-piece nugget. Most people in the late night drive-thru are just looking for a quick fix anyway. Not a fucking Thanksgiving dinner.

But there's always that one car -- usually with blaring subwoofers and tilted-hat silhouettes. You'll be moving along with a Jamaican's speed and then all of a sudden... nothing. It takes you a second to realize that progress has stopped. The song on your radio becomes another and you're still a car back from the menu-before-the-menu. An asshole up ahead is taking too long, ordering too much. Everyone must suffer because of it.

Maybe five items isn't the way to go. Maybe there should be an abbreviated menu with easily prepared late night essentials: hamburgers, french fries, chicken nuggets. None of that fancy, for-a-limited-time-only shit. When we're drunk and ravenous, we don't need bacon. Maybe extra barbecue sauce, but definitely not bacon. Our palates are anything but refined at 2:30 in the morning.

And so things must change. No more should we have to wait for the asshole-packed SUV with the obnoxious figures inside. Let's speed things along. Let's sate that hunger.

Who's with me?

12 comments:

Anonymous said...

I'm with you, motherfucker! Everytime I leave the fucking club and go get some grub before I get home I get stuck behind someone who takes forever. I want to jump out of the car and fight that person.

Anonymous said...

Agree... :=)

Anonymous said...

I hate people who order so much late at night!

Anonymous said...

you could compile all these complaining blogs and make a book called 'the problem with LA'. Decent blog, keep it up!

Mom said...

Drive-thru rage. Been there. I hate when I just start to pull into the line and two other cars come out of nowhere and get in before me and THEN order every damn thing on the menu when all I want is a bean burrito with lettuce and fire sauce.

Anonymous said...

Hey buddy don't be hattin on niggas. You said a "dude with a hat turned sidways." You know us niggas are too poor to order a lot in the drive through. We are more like water and a small frie off the dollar menu cous. It's those white people who are ordering a buffet. lol

Anonymous said...

Right with ya!

Anonymous said...

Yup, damn straight

Anonymous said...

With you

Anonymous said...

I'm with you like a ass juice on a dick

Anonymous said...

Ever been fucking someone in the ass and pull out and find a piece of corn on your dick?

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