I'm lonely. It's to the point now where I wait to hear back from girls I don't even fucking want to hang out with. And when I do hear back from them, if I hear back, it's always an excuse -- "I'm exhausted" being the most prevalent. I refuse to believe that there are that many girls out there who are this fucking tired. Especially ones who aren't anything to write home about. Maybe they think something's wrong with me for wanting to spend time with them. Maybe I'm their chance to get back at every football player douchebag they couldn't get, every jock cocksucker who made them feel like shit. "Ooh, he has muscles! I'm going to make plans with him and cancel at the last second!"
There is no adjective to describe what it feels like to be flaked on by a girl you don't want to be seen with in public.
That's what I've been reduced to. I know I'm pathetic. I know I'm better than that. But the sky is getting gray and the weather is getting cold and staring over at an empty couch cushion just doesn't seem natural. I even made my apartment smell like cinnamon. What the fuck for?
You know, they make these pills -- Viagra, Levitra, whatever -- to make your dick hard and up your sex drive, but they don't make anything that does the opposite. I want something that will make me not give a fuck about anything with a vagina. I want to be injected with apathy so I don't have to play these bullshit games anymore, so I don't have to engage myself in these silent tennis matches with these extra hole-havers. Take away my sex drive, my interest in pussy, and I'll be the most productive motherfucker on this planet.
Until then I'll just watch the cursor blink.