Friday, August 15, 2008

The Prius Remark

"Prius, huh?" I say to my friend Sarah, a member at the gym. We're on the elevator up from the parking structure.
"Oh yeah."
"I could never drive one of those. They're so dorky-looking."

A gay guy with perfect stubble and a yoga mat chimes in.

"I drive a Prius."
"Oh... nice."
"You know, it's not about looking cool."
"Well yeah, obviously."

He gets this look on his face like I'm an asshole, which I am. But if Priuses weren't about looking cool then why would he be offended?

Sarah attempts to inject some humor into the conversation with a jokey, pro-Prius comment. I say something about my '92 Subaru with 230,000 miles and an environmental bumper sticker on the back (thanks, Mom). The elevator doors open and we walk out.

Gay Yoga Guy keeps pace.

"Maybe you should think a little more about the environment."

What's funny to me is that the Prius is more about image than it is about the environment. It's the vegetarian's BMW. An avatar of awareness. And I'll tell you this: if I'm going to drop thirty Gs on a new car, it IS about looking cool. The environment can suck my dick. I'm not going to roll around in some glorified hatchback because it makes the air a tad bit cleaner. What's the point anyway? Some bum's just going to breathe it up before I can.

"Look, I'm not hating on you, man. It's just not for me."
"Don't knock it until you try it."

He huffs off. Sarah and I exchange looks. I know what she's thinking.

I have Prius envy.


Ronnie Pudding said...

No one hates Prius drivers more than me, which might be a bit hypocritical since I drive one myself. But I’m at least honest about my self-serving motivations for owning it. I drive 30 miles each way to work (when I bought it, it was closer to 40). Thanks to the Prius I’ve got one of those HOV lane stickers so I can whiz by the rabble and cut 15-20 minutes off my commute. If a 3-axle monster truck that runs on dead babies and the blood of Obama gained me access to the carpool lane I would’ve bought one of those instead, but it was the Prius. It was just my luck that gas prices went through the fucking roof. You’ll never hear me complaining at the pump, because I still spend less than what I did when I drove an SUV or pick-up.

Don’t get me wrong, I don’t hate the Earth. It’s inhabitants certainly, but the fact that I’m leaving a smaller footprint does serve as a small consolation prize for my driving a dorky looking car. Yet that really wasn’t what motivated me to buy the thing, nor did it motivate gay yoga matt guy either. Because if he really gave a fuck about the environment he would’ve burned his driver’s license and bought a bicycle. Like my friend Zane, the bearded communist hippy did. No, he was motivated by the fact the Prius would net him copious WeHo ass-pussy, while at the same time help maintain his delusion that he’s a good person--or more specifically--a better person than you.

Bikes = 0 emissions. But driving one in L.A. makes you look like a poor person and/or non-documented Mexican. Case closed.

Mom said...

Grammy just bought a Prius to "save on gas." It will take her five years to realize any gas savings form that thing. I drove a rental Prius once and hated it. Valerie has one, too, and went back to driving her Ford Taurus. Priuses are fads.

Jeff said...

You're too fucking funny, Ronnie.

Jeff said...

Blood of Obama had me rolling.

Anonymous said...

Alright... I'll be that person.

Ronnie Pudding, I don't think owning a Prius gets any gay guy copious amounts of ass-pussy. I think he'll do find without the help of his environmentally aware car that everyone and their mother has.

But it's ridiculous to say that if he actually cared about the environment he'd rip up his license. This is about practicality. People are going to drive. Most people have to drive. It's about finding better options that destroying the most amount of the earth possible in your wake.

Much as I hate the pretension that seems to sometimes come with a Prius, God knows I'd have one if I could afford it. Both to help my carbon footprint and to save on traffic time and gas. But it's like Dave Matthews Band, I still think they'd made some great music even if I'm sometimes ashamed to say it because of their other fans.

But honestly, this whole "I don't really give a shit even though I know I'm supposed to" attitude is so 10 years ago!

And to Jeff's Mom, if your Mother doesn't see savings on gas for 5 years then it'll mean she's not driving it. Like the car or not, it save plenty on gas. That's kind of the point.