Saturday, March 1, 2008

I am still...

You are so fucking money...
... Jon Favreau in Swingers. I am a fucking spineless insecure pussyboy who is shit with the ladies. I cannot get over my ex-girlfriend because I am weak and fragile and dumber than a box of Reeboks.

Two weeks.

That's how long I lasted before I picked up the phone and reopened the scab. I mean what's wrong with a phone call. We're friends right? Given our history and the emotions and moments we've shared, we'd have to be... right?

It's opposite day.

In the aftermath of a pretty fucking good relationship, you find that everything you had going for you works against your friendship. All those kisses and cuddles and inside jokes become demons you can't escape. You try not to call her by her pet name and she tries not to talk in her little girl voice. You want to be friends, you pretend to be, but it's just not something you're capable of.

We're like wiggers.

So yeah. She calls today and we talk:

"I'm thinking of coming to visit... my mom."
"I don't want to see you."

She didn't say it like that, but that's what it is at its core. She says she's afraid of hurting me again, which is potent potent bullshit. I don't understand girls. They break your heart and then they ignore you because hey, it'll be good for you. I cannot even begin to articulate how off and how fucking wrong this is. If you really don't want to hurt me, grovel. Grovel and have hot, unprotected ex-sex with me.

You guys tired of hearing about his yet? My friends sure as hell are:

Jeremy is a good friend
Since the break-up, I've tried experimenting with different kinds of facial hair to see if a certain look will get me laid more than my standard once-a-week shave. I'm like tiny Mario in the underground cave, hoping that if I hit the question mark box with a goatee on it, a vine will come out and carry me into the sky where I will collect pussies and blowjobs instead of coins.

Other notes:

-- I am confident I will sell my first script, or make major steps towards doing so, this year
-- I am slowly losing money
-- Script competition season is gearing up and I will bleed more dollars
-- I don't expect to win or place in these competitions because I fear the readers are too dumb and/or conservative to appreciate my genius
-- I have to try regardless
-- I'm thinking of going on food stamps
-- I am putting together a Misogyny Mix to listen to in my car. Any song suggestions?


SK said...

Time heals all wounds, brother. Soon enough you'll be surprised how long it's been since you last thought of her. And, the next time you feel like calling her, don't.

Glad to see that despite all of the gloomy feelings over your break-up that you are still determined to make it.

Gold Digger by Kanye West comes to mind for your song collection. Let us all know what ends up on your list.

Anonymous said...

Two Live Crew's Me So Horny has to be front and center, brother.

"You can say I'm desperate, even call me perverted. But you'll say I'm a dog when I leave you fucked and deserted. I'll play with your heart just like its a game. I'll be blowing your mind while you're blowing my brains."


Anonymous said...

Perfect. Thanks, guys.

doug said...


Skatersi said...

Pics of the beard please. Haha.

I love your blogs. I'm going to become your Internet stalker. (not really).

I've recently gone through similar things but you'll come through this in no time and be a better person at the end of it. I know it's hard but you've got to resist those temptations to speak to her. Sooner or later that shit will come full circle and it will be her sending you those messages that you thought of sending her. As long as you ignore those and don't give her the upperhand it'll all be good. Stay strong and you'll be alright.

Ronnie Pudding said...

Where's your post about having no indie cred? Did you delete? It still showed up in my rss reader. I was going to leave a pithy comment. Fucker.